July 2010
8 posts
Watch
“Did you know that half the people on this planet are below average?”
– ~whaddupyo~
May 2010
4 posts
Getting Ready For School
I don’t get to see my ex-step-daughter’s that much because we live on opposite sides of the country so when I do it’s a real treat…
They may not be of my flesh & blood but I love them very much.
EXCEPT @ 7 o’clock in the morning when they’re getting ready for school…
OMG!!! Pure Evil infests the world for about 45 minutes to an hour and no...
Posting Photos w/ the Tumblr Blackberry App
Ok, I’m absolutely LOVIN’ the BB Tumblr App…
BUT…
Yeah, u knew this was coming, right? No really, been having a lot of fun with it. However, and I don’t know if anyone else has noticed but when you try to post a photo using the Tumblr app, the phone just bogs down and becomes worthless. And the more you try to get it to work, the more useless it becomes. So...
The end is near
I recently drove from Jacksonville, FLA to Chicago, IL. Driving straight thru, and pulling a trailer loaded with furniture, it took me about 21 hours w/ a brief catnap just outside of Atlanta.
Now what is important to know here is that I gave up listening to Talk Radio at the beginning of the year.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE listening to Talk Radio, I just got real tired of listening...
March 2010
30 posts
2 tags
From the "If You're Gonna Eavesdrop On The...
Walked up in the middle of this conversation the other day:
“How long before the swelling goes down?”
“Bout a week or so.”
“So, whose is bigger, your’s or Joe’s?”
“Joe’s.”
“Don’t know if I’d go around telling people that…”
“Well, it is, he’s got a heavier gauge…”
...
WatchSong is French Cancan by Jaques Offenbach. Additional sounds credited to Valve, specifically from their game Team Fortress 2. Other stuff is from the 300 trailer and O Little Town of Bethlehem All other content copyright Jamie Bell (aka DispleasedEskimo) 2010, I guess
The Laws of Golf
The Law of Physics states that it’s easier to get up at 6:00AM to play golf than at 10:00AM to mow the yard. A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game. A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you are. That’s why you get so many calls to play with friends. A pro shop gets its name from the fact that you need to have...
1 tag
Social Networking From Your Mobile Phone
Well, it’s taken me about 6 months & trying out tons of apps but I think i’ve finally figured out a workable combination. 4 synching my blog w/ twitter & Facebook & being able 2 do it all from my phone.
If u wanna email it in there’s Ping & Posterous. They work. I have friends that use Posterous & they like it but what i’ve seen from casual phone users...
WatchChat Roulette Pwnge. Just watch! I thot it was funny (Ok, got me too)
Bar Joke
A drunk in a bar barfs all over his shirt. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.”
“Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.”
So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his...
WatchThe Disappointed Cat
Blackberry App 4 Tumblr
So, did u hear there’s a new Tumblr app 4 the crackberry? Testing it out now, how awesome is that??? So far so good & I’m thinking that I am definitely gonna like this!!!
The Cuckoo Clock
See! Women Do it Too… The other night I was invited out for a night with “the girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly...
Anarchology.org
Simply the best forum I’ve ever seen-
never been much of one for forums, guess I just didn’t get it. Always seemed like a bunch of little nerdy trolls running around wanting to hate on everything & everyone who didn’t agree with their way of thinking or doesn’t play WOW.
If you don’t know what WOW means, then don’t worry about it, wasn’t talking...
So this man wakes up in the morning, finds his dog just laying on the ground. Not moving, the man thinks the worse, and takes his beloved friend to the vet. Placing his dog on the table the man turn to the vet and asks. “What’s wrong with him doc?” “Well” says the doctor “looks like your dog is dead!” The owner responds “This can’t be. Can you...
WTF Moment
So I just went to the Dr because I’ve been in a Nyquil coma for the better part of two weeks. She calls in a script for some “gonna-make-you-feel-better” meds to the pharmacy and when I asked if she thought they would be ready she said she thought so.
So I drive over there, they weren’t ready. Pharmacist said give her 15 minutes, I said ok. She was true to her word.
...
Bad Toothache
This guy had a really bad toothache, so he went to the dentist. After being examined, he was told the tooth would have to be pulled out.
The cost: $500. “But I only have $250,” said the unfortunate man.
“That’s OK, I can do it without freezing you first”, replied the dentist. “That’s not a problem. I’ve only cried twice in my life, so I should be...
Note 2 Self- there be a reason why it been 10 yrs since I drank Coors Lt, it STILL tastes like pee pee!!
So the 1st Coors Lt i’ve had in 15 yrs has a “Vented Wide Mouth” Sry but that just sounds dirty
A Woman’s Wildest Desire Fulfilled...
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man walked into the room. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
Noticing her overly attentive stare he smiled knowingly and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned...
Allergy Medications and Remedies
A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a plane. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man isn’t sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man is about to go nuts. He can’t believe...
The Top Ten Things Men Understand About Women
The Top Ten Things Men Understand About Women: 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.
A Redneck Letter From Home
Dear Son; I’m writing this letter slow because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved to Arkansas so that they...
February 2010
33 posts
Actual txt msg transcript Before During & After...
Before Tradewinds Msgs-
L- When I get drunk, I have a tendency to get into conversations about infections of the body. Someone invent a device to prevent this, please.
B- lol, being forced 2 take a vacation from me 2nt so we going 2 Tradewinds. I'll be sure 2 convo up body infections w/ da hot chics
L- I don't think Tradewinds even ALLOWS hot chicks in. I recommend a little pregame drinking there. Then, hit up Mardi Gras.
B- Don't think they allow flannel @ Mardi Gras.
B- Been dating myself 4 a year, my standards aren't very high right now, gonna stick w/ Tradewinds. TW good, GOOD TW!
B- Ok, 1st time I not allowed in Tradewinds. Guess I was wearing 2 much flannel even 4 THEM! American Legion got it going on tho!
During Tradewinds Msgs-
B- L, u r SO wrong! After 4 bars, an 18 pack + 5 pitchers, u wouldnt BELIEVE all da hotchics dat showd up @ TW by Last Call!
B- so I just took 1 4 da team... My drunk friend hit on da REALLY drunk passed out chick sleeping on da bar & scored so I had 2 walk home
B- 10 miles! Up hill, both ways. In da snow! OMG I sound like my grandparents!
After Tradewinds Msgs-
P- I'm SO sorry about last night!
B- Dude, it's ok! Just tell me it was worth it...
P- It was
B- Then u got nothing to be sorry for...
P- You might be able to hook up w/ her friend
B- Is that my consolation prize for walking home empty handed?
P- Yes
B- I'll take it, when's my appointment scheduled?
B- Wait! I mean, wot she look like?
P- She is no beauty queen but I'm sure you would like her...
P- She has a Harley...
B- Ewwwww! Is it visible?
B- Oh, wait! you said HARLEY? Thot u said hickey...
P- LOL
P- We haven't made plans yet but they want to get together again
B- THEY want to get together again? THREESOME? u are da man dog!
P- Just the one
P- The biker chick tried to intimidate me but she loosened up later on. It was fun
P- Cant remember the chick's name I was with. Pretty sure the biker chick is named Sam- Samantha
B- Hmmm, intimidating biker chicks named Sam don't really seem like my style
B- Can't really see me riding on the back of a Harley w/ a girl named Sam...
B- Sigh, the things I do for u; guess I could, it is bike week after all, certainly done stranger stuff in my day...
B- ok, Moment of truth time- was she as attractive awake & semi sober @ 9 AM as she was @ 1 AM passed out on da bar when u picked her up...
P- no answer
The $10,000 Challenge
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it’s filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, “What’s with the money in the jar?” “Well…, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand...
WHY SOME MEN HAVE DOGS AND NOT WIVES
Found this post @ thelaughline.com but it’s all over the internetz-
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 4. A dog’s parents never visit. Ever…… 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. 6. You never have to...
Bad Luck With Restaurants
I have bad luck when I go to restaurants.
Something goes wrong 98% of the time whether it’s bad food, cold food, NO food*, bad service, no service, somebody at the table gets the wrong food or the baby at the next table has a crappy diaper…
I’m telling ya, it’s ALWAYS something.
I was serious about the *no food comment. I went to KFC one time and they had run out of...
