The Law of Physics states that it’s easier to get up at 6:00AM to play golf
than at 10:00AM to mow the yard.
A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.
A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you are.
That’s why you get so many calls to play with friends.
A pro shop gets its name from the fact that you need to have the income
of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven,
he probably shot an eight (or worse).
It takes longer to learn good golf than it does to become a brain surgeon.
On the other hand, you don’t get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs,
and fart if you are performing brain surgery.
Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.
Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options:
you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion
that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.
Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents’ luck.
It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt … for a 10.
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like
expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line
that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
There are two kinds of bounces:
unfair bounces and bounces just the way you meant to play it.
You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time
and a two inch branch 90% of the time.
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up
at a much earlier age.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually
the beginning of the next group of three.
When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again
at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you
ever want to see it again.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys
to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up
just short of a water hazard.
To calculate the speed of a player’s downswing, multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap:
i.e. 20 mph backswing X 15 handicap = 300 mph downswing .
There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top
and checking the position of your hands:
how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
Hazards attract, fairways repel.
You can put a draw on the ball, you can put a fade on the ball,
but no golfer can put a straight on the ball.
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.
If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.
That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about skipping out
on lawn work.
If there’s a storm rolling in, you’ll be having the game of your life.
Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white. They’re sold by the dozen.
And you need to buy fresh ones each week.
It’s amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will
replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.
http://www.eteamz.com/quest-for-the-gator/
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Well, it’s taken me about 6 months & trying out tons of apps but I think i’ve finally figured out a workable combination. 4 synching my blog w/ twitter & Facebook & being able 2 do it all from my phone.
If u wanna email it in there’s Ping & Posterous. They work. I have friends that use Posterous & they like it but what i’ve seen from casual phone users is that its a good way 2 post mobile pics.
Not very practical 4 me because I have a Crackberry & if u have 1 too, u knows wot I’m saying! For those of you who don’t have 1, Crackberrys are prbly the CRAPPIEST camera phones i’ve ever owned!!! They SUK @ taking pictures!
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my crackberry but if ur planning on taking lots of pics, this phone ain’t 4 u!
But I digress…
PING works pretty good & is very versatile @ synch posting between a lot of ur networks but wot I’m not happy with it is that if u use Ping 2 forward 2 Twitter w/ Twitter, if u post something longer than 140 characters, it throws up a link 2 year other network or blog u posted to so u can see the rest of the post.
I know that is getting very popular & everyone is doing it but call me old school if u must (only been tweeting 4 a year, lulz!) but I LIKE the concept of trying 2 say wots u gots to say in a certain amount of space in 140 characters or less, that’s the POINT! Everybody seems 2 be getting away from that concept by posting something like this & then throwing a link in 2 see the rest of it.
If that works 4 u, fine but I just think it’s a great big FAIL. That’s why, after playing around with all this social network & testing it out 2 see wot works best 4 ME, I’m gonna keep the Twitter aspect separate.
So here comes Tumblr. Been playing around w/ that 4 about a year and they just this week created a Crackberry app 4 it which so far seems 2 be awesome. And Tumblr integrates well w/ Facebook & Twitter & I can use Twitter 2 post 2 MySpace so its all starting 2 come together. For those of u thinking I’m a loser because I’m still ON MySpace, LOL, I KNOW but I have a couple of friends whoabsolutely REFUSE 2 use anything else & I like 2 keep in touch w/ them so there.
So, 2 wrap things up, sorry for rambling but I’m still testing things out a little & posting this from my Crackberry using the Tumblr app. Like I said, I tried Ping but would have 2 log in 2 Tumblr & edit the post so we’ll see how this works.
In regards 2 Twitter, like I said previously, I think I’m just gonna leave it separate. There’s a TON of phone apps 4 it too & i’ve tried a lot of them. I’m currently using Seesmic & it seems to be the best 1 I’ve used so far… Got a friend who tweets her ass off & does it just by using the SMS & MMS functions on her phone & is a real wizard at it so I may spend some time playing with that option..
And that wraps things up on my end. Feel free 2 post ur opinions in the comrents section.
TTFN…
[video]
A drunk in a bar barfs all over his shirt. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.”
“Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.”
So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks.
The drunk replies, “Ummm, yeah… he crapped in my pants, too.”
[video]
So, did u hear there’s a new Tumblr app 4 the crackberry? Testing it out now, how awesome is that??? So far so good & I’m thinking that I am definitely gonna like this!!!
See! Women Do it Too…
The other night I was invited out for a night with “the girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. “I promise!”
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight. He didn’t seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!).
Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, “oh, crap,” cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the dog and farted.”
Simply the best forum I’ve ever seen-
never been much of one for forums, guess I just didn’t get it. Always seemed like a bunch of little nerdy trolls running around wanting to hate on everything & everyone who didn’t agree with their way of thinking or doesn’t play WOW.
If you don’t know what WOW means, then don’t worry about it, wasn’t talking about you anyway…
Then I stumbled across Anarchology.org which, on the surface might not be everyone’s cup of tea but certainly has a different flavor of tea for just about everyone out there. I recently just spent a day on the site just browsing around. Some of it is mos’ def NSFW but don’t let that stop you.
During my time on the site, I learned how to create a home-made rocket propellant, I found a rocket club in my neck of the woods and got to watch videos of them shooting off some badass rockets, I downloaded some totally free and totally legal pdf handouts/manuals on how to work with PHP and the ins and outs of filesharing and I even learned how to make a home-made and totally legal pistol.
There are sections to talk about your philosophical outlook on life and there’s a DIY section on electronics and computers. They even have a section for you gamers out there.
It’s totally cool but don’t just take my word for it, here’s a link to the site’s manifesto which will give you a better understanding of what they have to offer better than I ever could-
http://anarchology.org/index.php?topic=14278.0
Enjoy your time there and try not to get lost!
Another WTF Moment…
Nunchucks- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So this man wakes up in the morning, finds his dog just laying on the ground. Not moving, the man thinks the worse, and takes his beloved friend to the vet.
Placing his dog on the table the man turn to the vet and asks. “What’s wrong with him doc?”
“Well” says the doctor “looks like your dog is dead!”
The owner responds “This can’t be. Can you do any thing to be sure?”
“Yes” says the doctor walking out of the room and bringing a cat back in. He places the cat on the table with the dog. The cat walks around the dog once, looks at the doc, meows and jumps down. “Cat says your dog is dead sir.”
“I can’t trust a cat, that’s ridiculous sir.
“Okay, fine,” and with that the Doctor brings in a black dog. Dog puts his paws on the table, smells the air, barks and jumps down. “Dog says your dog is dead sir.”
Grief filled the man as he responded “Well, I guess it’s so. Thanks for trying doc.”
“I’m here to help” says the doctor “that will be $3,000!”
Quite upset the man yells at the doctor “I just found out my dog is dead and you’re trying to rob me?”
“Well,” says the doctor “my opinion was free, but YOU sir are the one that wanted the CAT scan and Lab test done…
So I just went to the Dr because I’ve been in a Nyquil coma for the better part of two weeks. She calls in a script for some “gonna-make-you-feel-better” meds to the pharmacy and when I asked if she thought they would be ready she said she thought so.
So I drive over there, they weren’t ready. Pharmacist said give her 15 minutes, I said ok. She was true to her word.
When I got home, I looked on the pill bottle & it said “Call ahead 24 hours to get your prescription faster…”
WTF??? How the #@%&# is that any faster…?
Sometimes, it’s better for you if you DON’T know what the rules are; I’d STILL be waiting if that was the case.